"Life is about turning dilemmas into curiosities, talents into passions and seconds into eternity"

Jun 18, 2010

A Letter to the Tiger

Dear Mr.Tiger

Your cat family is particularly amazing , and my fanfare for you is specifically not the reason why my last name is Singh. Although I always thought since childhood that except the Dinosaurs , there was never a chance that any other specie would be swept off the mainland by bamboozling asteroids, to be later discovered by future species. But I just came to terms with your terrible conditions , so much that all my attention span has been completed diverted towards you ..from the latest India TV news updates I was watching a while back.

We as humans are trying our very best to save you. Because we love you so much. Frankly, the carpets made out of your funky striped skin patterns are just too royal to resist. And your teeth , man! , they sell like gold. We need more of you here , so that we can be rich without getting into 25 year meaningless marathon academics here in India just to get a 3.5 lpa package in the end. So like million of people who want to save you, I want the same too with all my fervor and passion. You can ask my pet mouse in the house, I love you.

I hope this letter finds you in the best of your health and prosperity without any poachers plotting to kill you in next 5 minutes at-least. And I sincerely hope you complete reading this letter before you get busted. You will be happy to know that we have been running so many campaigns to save you that even the Dalits are taking a backseat for a while. Just for the record , I have made this totally ordered list for you, our plans to save your specie:

1) The facebook community  'Save Tigers, Save Our Heritage.....Just 1411 left..!' now has 150,000+ people liking it. Though it is still unknown what they like , but the efforts are commendable. Imitating our tremendous efforts on this front , one of our esteemed Indians created 'Eat Parle-G... Do not eat TIGER...Only 1411 Left' which has 12,000+ people liking it . The reason for less number of people liking this one is unknown , but it seems Parle-G is becoming highly unpopular with people.

2) This cool website http://www.saveourtigers.com  is just too tempting. Besides around 266,000+ people participating on it  , little kids are spending thousands of bucks to participate in a competition to send poems , drawings , posters depicting tigers in danger. Till now thousands of drawings have been sent , depicting you in superman, spiderman and T-man dresses. These posters help spread awareness so that more people can learn and send even more posters depicting how much we love drawing .

3) Almost every Tiger reserve in India has been allotted night guards to save you from poachers at night .(I hope you're still alive and reading this). The guards are paid 5000/- bucks a month which is 1000/- less than what their wives earn working as sweepers in local buildings. There is a 70% shortage of guards , so that some of the brave guards have to do double shifts , day and night. During day they cut tickets for the tourist , during night , they nap with their wives.

4) NDTV recently broadcasted a 1 hour long documentary on Tigers. ..which was apparently so sad and depressing that kids almost suffered a breakdown and some of the elderly Indians took overdose of their daily medicines in revolt. NDTV has asked its viewers to visit their exclusive website on Tigers, which has a column 'Tiger Tales' where you can narrate all the cool tales and poems about Tigers.You can download Tiger wallpapers too. India TV is still preparing for its own Save-Kabaddi in India campaign but it seems not too many kids can draw and narrate stories about Kabaddi , so they plan to switch to the famous kids game 'Chain-chain' .

5) We just love to talk about you in general , with friends , girlfriends and boyfriends. Boys love to impress their girlfriends by showing sympathy towards the cruelties done to you and Sati - the female infanticide in general too. And you gotta hear this!!..  Last week I saw a poster regarding Save-Tiger campaign in a Mall , people just loved it , believe me.. I mean not the poster ,the movie that was released the same day was just awesome. The movie was f-ing legendary.Trust me , you should check it out too. 

Besides all that marvelous good news , I would also like you know that monsoons are fast approaching. I hope you are looking forward to that , and when you are looking , look for the poachers too .. :\.Just to let you know, I am so glad you are our national animal because apparently besides the street dogs and pigs , we don't have much variety here in India.  

And as listed we will continue with our efforts to save you , for now its the FIFA world cup , so just bear with us for a while , we will start saving you when you are just 1350 left . Till then enjoy , peace and have lots of beer.

Hey look ...there's a poacher at your back..!

Just Kidding.! :P